Dealing with Sibling In Laws and Extended Family

Spouses may come to a new marriage with emotional baggage. Relationships with children change, and the stepparent-stepchild relationship adds another dynamic. Both families may have different traditions and ways of doing life.

  • Sometimes in-laws may take sides in a divorce which can make these relationships contentious or awkward.
  • An extended family household may form for a variety of reasons.
  • Remember, whatever your partner deals within their family is never as straightforward as you think it is.
  • When you spend time with your loved ones—give them your full attention.
  • In 1985, a referendum guaranteed women legal equality with men within marriage.

Above all else, your approach must communicate to your partner that they are not just important, but primary to you. Partners need to effectively coregulate each other in order for the system, the family, to be high-functioning and stable. And yes, you’ve done the right thing to reconnect everyone – it is never going to be “easy,” but this family time, even if rife with strong emotions, is precious. You might try together to find/see the good intentions behind their grandparents’ words or typical turkish woman behaviour (e.g. they just want the best for their grandkids or are trying to show they are proud of them!). In that scenario, you might interject when you can tell the grandparents are going to make that kind of statement and try to change the direction of the conversation. Maybe you feel your children are constantly being judged or compared to the other grandchildren or the cousins, and somehow don’t measure up in their eyes.

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These skills involve managing stress in the moment, being aware of both your own emotions and the other person’s, and prioritizing resolution over winning the argument. If neither person is at fault, it can still help to acknowledge the past and the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family.

Affordable living expenses – An extended family is likely to save money on a home mortgage or rent, utilities, and maintenance since the various income streams of different family members help cover these costs. When you have figured out what your needs are and come up with a plan to communicate them clearly and kindly, you will feel much less anxious as the holidays get closer. And, hey, maybe it will be much better than you expect! Maybe this holiday season you can actually enjoy the time together. When you decamp to your in-laws for the holidays, there will probably be differences in how you celebrate the holiday.

Video Regarding Dealing With Siblings

As a spouse I can see someone may need help every once in a while. But when you marry immediate family is and always should be first. If extended family has a problem with that, it’s their problem. They need to grow up and not be so dependent on their family members.

Although people have a tendency to form closer bonds with genetically related people, kin networks can extend beyond genetically related individuals . Divorcing couples often get tied up in their own differences and their relationships with family, friends, and in-laws, but you cannot lose sight of what is in the best interest of your children. Maintaining contact between your children and their family, including their grandparents, is beneficial for their mental and emotional health. When divorcing couples and their parents put the best interest of the children first, it becomes much easier to work out personal differences and come up with a visitation schedule. In our episode on child-centered marriage and why it’s bad we saw how a family is like a system where one good relationship has positive effects on all the others. This means that having good relationships with the others in the house naturally makes the marriage bond stronger.

Generative families realize that the family has to invest in knowing and caring about each other to remain vital. They often live in different places, and therefore, they have to actively create opportunities to spend time with and learn about each other. Together, they build a family culture and set of values as they take the time to do things together as a family.

If the matter is not too serious, it might be a good learning experience for them to deal with these consequences, especially if parents can teach in a coaching rather than a blaming manner. Children are more apt to learn to make good decisions if they have full knowledge ahead of time and then assume responsibility for decisions, both good and bad. Family meetings are a structured discussion that can help family anger decrease. Families can use these discussions to resolve specific conflicts that might have just been argued about in the past.

Family Education is part of the Sandbox Learning family of educational reference sites for parents, teachers, and students. Your partner in parenting from baby name inspiration to college planning. She is an expert on child behavior and certified in Positive Discipline. When you got married, you signed up to be a husband or wife, and becoming a son-in-law or daughter-in-law came with the territory.

Do you need people to bring food for lunch when they visit? You need help putting away toys, folding laundry, etc.? Let them know you would really appreciate some help with that when they stop by. People in your life want to support you, but sometimes they just don’t know what you really need, so tell them exactly how they can help. At our first interview, Julia had been job-searching and intended to get back into the labor force. There’s also the matter of conflicting personalities, styles or opinions when talking through disagreements about the care of a grandchild with the parents. In Julie’s case, the family has been on the same page regarding all of these matters.

The first step is to learn to not act when you are upset. Not only are you dealing with the stress of getting everything done, and your child’s big emotions- you have to navigate the complicated relationships in your extended family. Having the support of your family members through life’s ups and downs gives you the strength to face all kinds of situations and emerge stronger. The infographic below presents a list of characteristics that define a strong family. Talking about feelings like anger or frustration or delicate issues should be welcomed instead of shunning them. Talking about them doesn’t mean you are encouraging them but are helping solve the problem. Also be welcoming even for uncomfortable conversations.

All families have conflict – it’s a natural part of human relationships. Strong families are able to work through things they disagree about by focusing on the problems, rather than by “tearing each other down.” It should provide love and warmth to all of its members. A strong family gives its members the support they need to make it through life’s toughest spots. If your relationship with your family member is painful or abusive, you may want to consider whether or not you want to maintain contact with this person.

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